Promised picture

Kate in Kigali
Originally uploaded by heddynam.

I just learned how to add pictures to blogs at NetSquared! Thanks, Seth.

Here is a picture I took of Kate on January 3rd when we were taking a walk by the Kigali Institute of Technology. I was also trying to capture the beautiful Rwandan hills in the distance - but I guess I'm not that great of a photographer... enjoy... more pictures to come later.

post-trip update

I don't know if anyone reads this anymore but for those of you who are...

I'm back safe in the US, absolutely swamped, and desperately trying to play catch up.

I will be posting pictures (or at least attempting to provide a link) soon. Please bear with me as I'm experiencing some technical difficulties with accessing Internet at my apartment.

I will also continue to post on here if there are any trip information dissemination activities I am involved in. I've already been asked by several organizations and groups to de-brief my trip to them in the form of a "Brown Bag" or a workshop. I'll also be writing some short pieces (by no means encapsulating the entire trip) to various publications. I'll also try to provide the link or at least post the content when appropriate.

So check back in a couple of weeks! Cheers -

media coverage of our presence in kigali

i didn't want to write about it at first until i was sure the situation was under control because i figured you folks at home would be worried.

foreigners are noticeable here, and i knew within the first hour of setting my foot in rwanda that everyone was staring at us, talking about us, taking note of what we did and did not do. whether alone, traveling in pairs, small groups or an entire group, we are very conspicuous. to give an example - this morning, i left the hotel to go to the Never Again office and i wanted to ride a moto instead of walk in order to save time (5 mins on moto for about 35 cents vs. 40 mins on foot). all the rwandans walking in the street stopped what they were doing and crowded around me to listen in my conversation with the moto driver. he didn't know where i needed to go, so i was giving him directions in my broken french, mixing both my limited knowledge of kinyarwanda and english. he wanted to charge me 3x what i normally pay, so i also had to haggle prices with him. everyone crowding around me starting murmuring in kinyarwanda that i could not understand when i started bargaining prices with the driver. all i wanted was a reasonable fare, but instead i turn into the rich, western tourist that is too cheap to support rwandans trying to make a living.

so anyway - with that background of everyone in town knowing who we are and most people being suspicious of us... this monday, the only major rwandese newspaper called "The New Times" published an article about our presence under the headline "Activist Slams UN for Genocide". it was ridiculous that news about our little group was fourth page news in a national newspaper, with the article taking up 2/3rd of the entire page. every single fact was completely distorted, beginning with the misspelling of our program director's name to actually making up quotes that she said about our purpose here. the article said that we are here to make sure all rwandese youth oppose political ideologies linked to the genocide.

it made us very angry to be characterized in such a negative light - as american know-it-alls coming here to educate rwanda about what it should and shouldn't do in its post-genocidal transition and also to subvert the youth movement here. everyone in our group is and has been very humble about the limitations of the role that we could play here as expatriots and non-natives. it totally ruined our group dynamics because we were all angry at both the journalist and our program director for talking with him and scared for our safety. all in all, we were not handling the situation very well... but we did finally talk it over as a group two nights ago and the journalist was notified that we were very unhappy with his article, that he is no longer welcome to do coverage of our group, and that we expect him to write an article rescinding many of the made up quotes. im not sure what will happen, but it has been 3-4 days since it was published and there have been no noticeable changes or repurcussions.

on my third day here, i talked with many of my rwandan peers about the fact that freedom of expression and media control is a big problem here. (i was actually surprised they were so open in criticizing the government, which i was warned not many rwandans do in public.) i think The New Times is government owned, although i'd have to do more research on that to be sure. obviously, the article supports the government's work in trying to get rid of divisive ideology that fuels ethnic tensions here. no one is really allowed to talk about themselves as tutsi or hutu any longer -- they are all rwandan. which makes sense on one level. but that would be the same as if the US government told me that i was only "american" and not allowed to call myself "asian-american". although i am all about reconciliation and peace here, i dont think that this is the best way to bring about national unity and patriotism - at a time that people are still suffering from the scars of the genocide (psychologically, physically, economically, etc). having been a pawn of the government's manipulation of reality, i was really not too pleased with being here and meeting with various government ministers. in fact the day the article was published, i skipped all of my scheduled meetings to gather my thoughts and emotions - which put me on rocky ground with my program director but was necessary to prepare for the remaining week i had in rwanda.

there are 3 days left now. im finishing up a grant proposal to the norwegian people's aid for a national youth magazine, meeting with some more human rights defenders, NGOs, and government ministries, and finally finishing up the workshop we started with rwandan youth two weeks ago. i leave for london sunday morning... im not looking forward to saying goodbye to my rwandese friends and a cow that i now own (will post pics of my cow later) nor the cold weather. probably won't have a chance to write again but maybe when im back i will update about my trip in more detail with pictures! peace out.

gacaca and emotions

visited a gacaca in kigali today. it was NOT an easy decision to go. i debated internally within myself and with other americans for days before we were supposed to go. in the end, i decided that it was important for me as a student of international justice in the aftermath of genocide and conflict to be a witness to such an event. but i couldn't help feel guilty about disrupting the proceedings with our or my presence. im not sure that visiting one gacaca, especially an urban one, is going to help me comprehend what's going on although it did open up a whole new world of understanding for me.

i'm not going to blog about what happened at the gacaca because i feel that it's wrong of me to expose a community process of reconciliation before it's over. im not a journalist. i am an activist and i don't wish to spread around stories that are not mine to tell. especially when it might end up hurting the process that is going on because i am speaking about it.

being in rwanda has been purely about emotion. my analytical, liberal-american-college-educated self has only been applied to analyzing myself and nothing about rwanda really. im just soaking it all in. perhaps trying to figure out: how can i be part of this process when they see me as a muzungu from new york city - and im not even a muzungu (which means white person in kinyarwanda)? but then at times the beauty of this place - a thunderstorm, all the stars, a rare flower never seen before, the smile of a little child who's fascinated with who you are - just transports you away to a place untouched by horrors of genocide or human rights violations. but there is still an awareness of what's happened and how it affects the now when my rwandese friend has to stop our conversation at a cafe saying, "i better have this conversation with you later in private because it's not safe to talk about such things (political views) here."

after such a heavy day, i went shopping for some gifts for friends and family. it was nice to think about people from home for a change. tonite im going with my friend to a traditional rwandan wedding. it will be nice to be in a place where you can be jubilant :) tomorrow, i leave for goma, DRC early morning. will write more next week when i return.

workshops

today was the third day of the 4-day workshop on human rights with the rwandan participants. there are about 30 of us all together.

it has really gotten me thinking more in-depth about how to best do human rights advocacy even though none of the questions in my head are new. they have been raised before by books, professors or listening to practitioners from the field speak about their experiences. but it is my first time grappling with them on a real personal level.

last night and this morning were hard on me. i was coming to the realization that within the past few days, i haven't accomplished as much as i had wanted to and i started getting upset with myself. i felt like i wasn't connecting with my counterparts as much as i had wanted in order to develop a chance to hear what human rights meant to the rwandese. since my first moments off the plane, i have been struggling with the question of why i am here. do i have the right to be an activist on behalf of rwanda? am i trespassing by being here? and many more such questions.

at lunch, one of the rwandese participants who has been an inspiration to me thus far came over to ask me why i was upset. i shared my feelings of inadequacy with him - not because of my lack of knowledge or intelligence but because i was simply non-rwandan. this is a snippet of what he told me - that because i was going through all of this emotional tumult with these questions, i was becoming worthy. actually, becoming more worthy to be a rwandan activist than rwandans themselves who do not do anything to change their country's situation. i am so grateful to be surrounded by such inspiring and big-hearted people. well, it's time to go again. will write more with good thoughts soon.

day 5

it's my fifth day here. i am sorry i have not had a chance to blog for the past few days. they have been busy ones. so this one will be long and i hope it will make up for it.

on friday, our group visited the kigali genocide memorial. i don't think many of us had gotten over the shock of actually being in rwanda. as we filed out of the mutatu (or van/bus), we were having light-hearted conversations in english as a group of americans still getting to know each other. i stepped out and saw the rolling green hills of rwanda in the distance and i immediately jumped for my camera, not realizing what was in the foreground. someone came over and told me it was rude to take a picture at the moment. my reaction was annoyance. i was thinking: "what are you talking about?? i just want to take a picture of the landscape." then i looked down right in front of me, and noticed a somber looking procession of people wearing purple scarves around their necks. kate informed me that purple is the color of genocide remembrance in rwanda. the scene i was witnessing was a funeral procession. someone's bones had been identified from the '94 genocide and they were being given a proper ceremonial burial almost 12 years later. i didn't know how to feel. i wanted to crawl into the gutters on the ground and disappear. i felt i was trespassing onto someone's private space. i berated myself - "how could i have been so oblivious?" thankfully, toki came over and talked to me for awhile about his feelings of being in africa as an african-american. it was easier to swallow the reality having someone next to me who felt similarly.

we entered the site of the memorial but had to wait for the procession to pass. the tour guide was a soft-spoken man who first took us aroun the outside grounds. there are mass graves at the memorial and so far almost 256,000 victims have been buried there. it is always bittersweet (inadequate word, i know) to find the remains of a relative or a friend... and you wonder just how many times a day they are reminded by the genocide.

i don't want to get into too much more detail about the memorial because i think you should all experience it for yourselves. but i will say it was a super-emotional day filled with tears, questions and complicated thoughts. i have pictures and can talk in more detail when i am back, if you are interested.

actually, i want to go back to an experience i had on the first day i arrived here. we dropped off our bags at the presbyterian church guesthouse and walked into town to grab water and visit the internet cafe. as we were walking on the dirt roads of rwanda (which is so beautiful - the dirt here is a reddish brown that words cannot due justice to its beauty) i noticed a group of men who were construction workers. they were carrying shovels, axe-picks and machetes. it was for work purposes but my mind flashed back to april 1994. what must it have been like? there were men who looked exactly like this, walking these very same streets, with an assassination list. there was no escaping the violence of the genocide back then. at that moment, in 2005, i was perfectly safe walking next to these men. however, the fear was in my gut and i got choked up again, overwhelmed by my feelings and thoughts.

we've had many many emotional conversations within our group about what we are doing here as americans and foreigners. i still haven't processed it yet. i feel very blessed to have received the reception i have by rwandese i've met so far. they are all amazing people, considering there is not a single person in the country without scars from the genocide. everyone warned me that rwandans are a friendly, but somber and a depressed people. so far, that has not been my experience. they are serious when necessary but they are also a kind, gentle, and fun-loving people. i have just spent the past few days overwhelmed by so much emotion - either sadness and tears or joy and laughter. even with so many cultural differences, i feel more at home here than i do in new york. i'll just stop there because i do not want to offend my american friends back home.

but that's not to say i couldn't go on about all of the beautiful rwandan friends i have made here. i feel i've already made a commitment in my heart to return here and do some concrete good. that will be my major new year's resolution - to find the funding/means during 2006 to return in 2007. also, i want to reflect and organize my thoughts on how i can best be effective here. there are so many needs and possibilities. i hope you all who are reading this can keep my accountable to my promise.

i have to run to the supermarket now to grab some dinner. but many more interesting stories to come later. peace out -

arrived in kigali

the last 72 hours have involved 2 car rides, 3 plane rides, 2 train rides to get to kigali. walking on the tarmack (spelling?) at kigali international airport was absolutely surreal experience. my kinyarwanda has been limited but has proven useful. my french has proven even more useful.

i teared a little when i exited the airport. i don't know why that was. i just got choked up, but i can't explain it.

im enjoying the company of my american comrades, but most of all enjoying getting to know complete strangers in rwanda. we're being very well-received and most are very friendly. i hope there will be more of that in the coming weeks.

gotta run, i'm sorry i can't write more... time for my first non-airplane meal in 3 days!

will attempt to post next week. but servers are extremely slow. don't know how successful i will be.